I remember

 I remember the first time we held hands.

I was terrified, the words clogged up my throat; and you sat there with that amused little smile, watching me choke on my anxiety; waiting for the words to spill out.

Eventually, I typed it out on my phone and handed it to you.

“Do you want to hold hands?”

 We blushed, and your fingers were soon nested warmly in the spaces between mine: It was then that I realized how cold I had been for the last twenty years.

My jaw popped, my upper lip quivered and tingled: and I realized how smiling so far had been a social response to demonstrate approval or politeness, and that I hadn’t actually felt happy in years.

  I remember how sweet it used to be before it all went sour.
I remember the rain against our faces, the breeze in your hair, the smell of your ears and your innermost fears.
I remember my skin against yours, I remember your lips against mine.

 But most importantly, I remember how easily you forgot.
 And eventually, that is all that I will remember.

“In fairy tales, love inspires you to be noble and courageous, but in real life, love is just an all-purpose excuse for selfish behavior.
You can lie and cheat and hurt people and it’s all okay: because you’re in love.”

 ~ What if (2013)


“Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though you’re breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by
Smile, ‘cause there’s no tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
For you
Drown every trace of sadness
Although the fear may be ever so near
Smile, what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is worth a try
If you just smile
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is worth the lies
if you just smile –
Smile, though you feel so hollow
Lie and deceive
Until you yourself believe
That your smile is not made of plastic
Smile, though it makes you feel sick
It’s all so easy to get by
If you just lie.”
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Light up your face with madness
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Bare your fangs, make a grin, you’re dying
– smile though the world is shallow

Just a quick demo for a cover version of “Smile” I’m doing for an art project with a friend.
Messed with the lyrics and used harsher (noisier) instrumentals against softer vocals, for contrast and dissonance.


 It’s the time of the year again for riverside pagan BDSM and spiritual trance-induced misbehavior.
 I always find it weird that nobody ever sees the glorious similarities between Paganism and Satanism and Wicca and Dravidian culture: the self-mutilation and body piercings, animal sacrifice, tribal trances and so on. I’m not criticizing- just pointing out the hypocrisy of mainstream “Tamils” who label cultures as “satanic” while practicing the same brutally kvlt traditions themselves.

High School Pedigree

 I’ve known high school fuckups who’ve went on to do brilliantly in university and have had very successful careers thereafter.
Likewise, I’ve seen triple-A students struggle greatly with their tertiary education, and proceeded for disappointingly mediocre lives.

 And I’m not even speaking of whether they were happy or not- that’s irrelevant. I speak only of the academic and professional aspects of it.

My point is, an exam you did in your late teens does not determine the outcome of your life– what you do next, however, will. 
 And I’m not talking about what you do “now”: what you did (in the past), a second earlier is always insignificant if you don’t build on that and do something better during your next breath: it’s always about what you do next.

“Le chagrin amoureux peut transformer les gens en monstres de tristesse.”
“Heartache can transform people into monsters of sadness”

~Jack et la mécanique du cœur (2013)
~Jack and the Cuckoo-Clock Heart (2013)

Ramblings of a wi†ch

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